This is insane. You are insane. But these thoughts that you have spread out for the world to read? They read just like my own thoughts. Conclusion: we are all insane. But it is one thing to acknowledge you are insane, and another to revel in it. I know that what I am thinking is madness, and that drives me to the feet of Jesus. In the end, I chose Jesus because He was calling to me. Once I had chosen, however, the Holy Spirit working in me confirmed the presence of God inside me. I think what I'm saying is that faith is not something you arrive at by any logical means. You can't argue yourself into a state of belief in God/Jesus/anything else. I think it's called a "leap" of faith for a reason. The only absolute proof is the solid ground you find after the leap into the dark... and before the leap? The faint, murky voices of the people on the other side, calling to you. I guess... :-).

Another thing: everybody likes to think that they are the deepest-thinking, most self-aware, most spiritually-in-touch person around. ;-).

I do not believe that the truly perceptive person is the one who says that he has all the right answers, and that he can break down a person's character and examine the stuff of which that person is made, as though he were taking apart a child's Lego creation. You can say what you like, but humans are all such complex beings that it is both dangerous and pretentious to claim that you understand what nobody has completely understood, ever. Are you really perceptive? Or are you just arrogant (and blind!) enough to persuade yourself that your opinions are the truth, and then vocalize them?

One last thought: How can you say that you have perfect "people" pitch when you don't even know yourself well enough to decide if you believe in God or not? Surely the conductor of the great "opus" has to know in what key he is singing before he can conduct a chorus of voices.