greybeta | The Epic Poem of Miss Kat the Valkyrie, aka zarhooie

[Poet's note: D2 had to write five hundred words of lavishing praise for Miss Kat, aka

zarhooie. She made him the icon you see used for this entry. Pretty cool D2 icon, eh? According to alchemy's law of equivalent exchange, D2 has to give something free in exchange for a free icon. There's a Vietnamese proverb that says, "Words are free, so why don't we choose to give each other pleasant words?"]

From the land they call Scandinavia,
Comes an angelic Viking named Kat,
She of a last name too hard to say.
This epic poem will try to avoid rhyme,
For that would be too contrived,
For a person like Miss Kat.
Oh yes, D2 calls her that,
Because that is what she prefers to be called.

Last night, D2 wanted a “D2” icon,
So he called upon those with more Photoshopping skilz
Than the positive pessimist to make one.
He promised five hundred words to any friend
Who could deliver him an appropriate avatar.
Miss Kat thought this might be a good way
To get an ego boost from D2.
So she submitted an icon to him.

(Do you know it is too easy
To write unrhymed poetry?
You aren’t forced to think of forced words
To end endless lines of turds.
Five hundred words D2 must pen
Solely dedicated to praising the Augustanan.
Nope, Miss Kat won’t accept a single digression
As part of D2’s five hundred word dispensation.)

The icon was so good D2 had to approve.
Ah, but now Miss Kat wanted an ego boost.
Why shouldn’t D2 approve the request
Of a fellow Narcissist?
Narcissus loved himself in that one myth.
Since Greek myths were written in verse,
D2 then decided to laud Miss Kat
In an epic poem, for better or for worse.

(Now, look there is a place and time
When it’s appropriate to use rhyme.)

(If you study German opera to a T
You will have to study Richard Wagner.
Wait, wait, it’s Wagner,
With the W pronounced like a V.
He is most famous for the Nibelung Ring tetralogy,
It was time for the Norse gods to wane.
We learn about the “choosers of the slain”
Who are also known as Valkyrie)

D2 and Miss Kat met randomly.
It says so on Facebook.
Miss Kat commented on something he wrote.
D2 then friended her to improve his writing.

zarhooie made fun of

greybeta on her LJ.
Then she realized half her friendlist read the positive pessimist.
She profusely apologized.
She swore to check mutual friends more.

So, what does D2 think of Miss Kat?
Honesty, she is a very special person.
The type of girl who will make a lucky guy
A wonderful, wonderful wife.
That’s because she knows how to cook
And is willing to answer D2’s cooking queries
Without making too much fun of him.
Will D2 ever find a girl like that back home?

Now, it’s true that D2 despises Miss Kat’s
Rather strange treehugging tendencies.
If Miss Kat could save a centenarian tree
By hugging it naked for three days,
Then she would do precisely that
Because she’s a very nice person.
By the way Miss Kat wants to randomly warn you…
“Don’t fry hamburgers naked!”

Miss Kat is too nice, really
Since she’d be ever so willing
To satisfy D2’s BDSM curiosities
If he was actually into BDSM.
She tests his patience with her wild sex stories
To the point where he threatens to hang up the phone.
She finds it all too funny
To make fun of a shy Baptist boy.

D2 and Miss Kat share a common bond
In that they both respect two great writers.
D2 of course respects his rodent sensei
While Miss Kat feels very close to ‘Song.
D2 and Miss Kat emulate their styles
Because they are both powerful in their own ways.
And while D2 hopes to meet The Ferrett in person,
Miss Kat has already had the pleasure of meeting ‘Song.

I believe I now only have thirty three words left.
Miss Kat, perk up.
Migraines suck!
But you don’t.
Because you are awesome!
A nurse!
An angel!
A very, very special friend!

Really.