Spiritual Journey, Part IV

[greybeta]

Have you ever heard of the Clever Hans effect in psychology? Clever Hans is a rather famous horse who could do simple arithmetic and various other intellectual tasks. Wikipedia says, “The horse, Hans, had been trained by a Mr. von Osten to tap out the answers to arithmetic questions with its hoof. The answers to questions involving reading, spelling and musical tones were converted to numbers, and the horse also tapped out these numbers.”

How was Clever Hans able to do such amazing feats? A psychologist named Carl Stumpf set up a series of experiments to find out. Amazingly enough, Hans was able to tap out the correct answer to all sorts of questions. But the horse was only able to do so when it could see its questioner and the questioner knew the answer.

As it turns out, the questioner involuntary tensed up when the horse came close to the the correct amount of taps. When the questioner involuntary released his tension at the right number, the horse was able to sense that and stopped. Psychologist Oskar Pfungst had noticed that the horse was unable to get the correct answer when it was blinded or when the questioner did not know the correct answer.

Sometimes, I feel like Clever Hans. People ask me all sorts of questions and I can sense them tense up when I start responding. It’s difficult to explain, but I can “feel” my way towards the answer they want me to say through their nonverbal cues. It’s not as if I can read what they are actually thinking; rather, their facial expressions and body gestures belie their true thoughts.

What does have to do with my spiritual journey? Well, when it comes to spiritual questions, people tense up just like they do anything else. People can’t help but feel a bit frustrated when I don’t answer the way that they think I will. They cannot hide their genuine concern, nor can they shield their own doubts from me.

Of course, I do the same thing. Yet I feel like it’s something that distracts me when I discuss spiritual matters with other people. I’m so polite that I start giving out the answers that releases the tension in the other person.

Should I start being more rude?

Comments

[purplkat.livejournal.com]

IMO, you should stop caring so much about what other people think. It's your spirituality, not theirs. They're welcome to practice their own spirituality, just as you ought to be welcome to practice yours.

I can see bending to the will of others on some things, but not this one.

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

Perhaps that's true, but inevitably I discuss things with people. And I notice that I'm much like Clever Hans in that I'm all too willing to say what pleases others rather than my true thoughts.

In fact, I do care about what others think because it helps me know what I think. But that's just what I think.

[purplkat.livejournal.com]

People are gonna have opinions about your behavior (or just opinions of their own) no matter what you do, though.

[exrandu.livejournal.com]

I should probably tell you, I have the same near-psychic sense about people and how they are feeling/what they want/who they are etc. as you seem to possess. I always feel slightly silly/arrogant when I talk about it though.

In response to your question: You do not deny other people their beliefs by holding your own. If someone thinks you are rude for expressing yourself, then they are, in fact, the close minded one.

[nickel.livejournal.com]

Let go of the perception that you are being rude. It isn't rude to be right when someone asks you a question. It isn't rude to be wrong either. Wrong or right, the veracity of your answer is more important than the answer itself. You can truthfully expound on a mistaken belief, or truthfully prosetylize the One Gospel to all people, and most people will be /unable/ to tell the difference.

There will be people who judge your answer based on whether or not they agree with you, and there will be those who judge your answer based on whether or not you agree with yourself. Which would you rather satisfy?

I know that when I sense someone approaching the point of deflecting an argument I tense up, not because I don't want the argument, I love arguments like a ten-year old loves dessert, ask Purplkat. No, the reason I tense up is because I sense that the person is going to either stay true to themselves or not, and when they don't, I deflate. I lose the tension, but become very disappointed.

Stand up for your beliefs, always.

[kteck.livejournal.com]

I think that is called having social skills. Teehee. But you aren't very polite when you argue: actually, you are quite rude already. You interrupt a lot and cut off people midsentence, and get very very loud :). I don't think you have a problem with that, don't worry :P.

speaking of which, i haven't argued with you in awhile...

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

Well, if you want to have a discussion, perhaps we should have coffee sometime. And I'll do my best not to interrupt...bad habits die hard, I'm afraid.

[kteck.livejournal.com]

and you know i'm half joking, because i've only seen you argue about silly things like easy bake versus homemade