Spiritual Journey, Part VII

[greybeta]

It is said that the perfect number is seven. In Genesis, the good Lord created the world in seven days (he did leave a day for rest). In Revelations, there are seven seals. In between are the seven deadly sins and the forgiving of others seven by seventy times.

And so the official chronicles of my spiritual journey end here, even though it really never ends. At the beginning of this, I said I would seek the truth. After much meditation and prayer, I’ve come to a conclusion.

I don’t know why I believe.

While the answer is surprisingly simple, the explanation is not. After all, if it was that obvious, why wouldn’t everyone just believe in “the one true faith”?

I don’t know, but I can tell you why I make Jesus Christ the Lord of my life. I do it because of the things the good Lord has done for me.

Perhaps, I should call them coincidences. You can call me a fool for not calling them so.

When I was mired deep in my depression, I thought about killing myself. Everyone who has gone through some type of depression has thought about it. It’s just because it seems a lot easier to end it all then face another day.

One of my favorite questions to ask people is “Why do you wake up in the morning?” My electrical engineering advisor asked me this question once, and I started replying about politics and history. He then pointed out that if that’s what gets me up, then I should doing something that has to do with why I get up in the morning.

My engineering advisor didn’t care about the numbers of the EE program. He was trying to help me as a person.

I also have to thank my history research advisor. I’m actually a pretty lazy person and he didn’t bear down on me or set any deadlines. Nope, the undergraduate research program set the deadlines for me. He gave me the rope and it was up to me to hang myself.

Of course, I started not going to class for awhile. Out of concern, he kept calling me to go to his office. When I finally showed up, I told him that I felt depressed. He said he understood and invited the dean in. Everything would be taken care of.

But I felt, I don’t know, ashamed. Here I was in my senior year and I still didn’t know what I would be doing or what I even wanted to do. I was really confused. My research advisor told me not to worry about it and walked me over to the health center.

I was going through some difficult times, and I stopped believing. I even told my campus minister this, much to his disappointment. I sent out a few emails that I shouldn’t have, but perhaps they were more honest than I had been.

At that point, I felt like I had nothing to fight for anymore. I had lost everything. I came to college to find out what I wanted to do and I had basically just wasted four years of my life. There is not point in going on anymore.

It was good day to die.

Out of nowhere I recalled a conversion I had in high school with Mike, one of my closest friends.

D2: Random question. If you put a gun to your head, what would you do?
Mike: Daniel, if I put a gun to my head, I think my will to live would be so strong it would just say NO!

Fortunately, my will to live was pretty strong. And suddenly, I understood something. It’s difficult to describe, but a moment of insight clicked inside of my mind.

Before, I had been living my life the way I thought others wanted me to live it. A good guy, a studious guy and someone you had to respect. But that wasn’t going to make me happy.

So it seems obvious to live for myself, but that’s an awfully lonely life.

Then it remains that I should choose to live for someone greater than myself. It only made sense to make Jesus Christ the Lord of my life.

It goes like something from a Halloween special from the Simpsons. In it, the Simspon family gets beamed aboard a spaceship populated by Kang and Kodos type aliens. The aliens keep feeding the family, so they get unnaturally large. Lisa notices this and accuses the aliens of trying to fatten them up for a meal.

Lisa: You’ve been feeding us nonstop to eat us, haven’t you?
Cook: What are you talking about?
Lisa: What about this book, HOW TO COOK HUMANS?
Cook: Wait, there’s some space dust on that. Let me blow it off. Aha! It says HOW TO COOK FOR HUMANS.
Lisa: Wait, there’s still some space dust left on that. Let me blow it off. Aha! It says HOW TO COOK FORTY HUMANS.
Cook: Wait, there’s still yet more space dust left on that. Let me blow it off. Aha! It says HOW TO COOK FOR FORTY HUMANS.

The cook goes on to explain he was trying to be nice, but the family just kept taking advantage of his kindness. As punishment, the Simpson family is taken back to earth instead of the paradise that awaited them.

The analogy isn’t perfect, but I questioned God. I mean, He gave me all these talents and yet I couldn’t use any of them. I was really smart but I hadn’t figured out anything in four years in college. Was I here just for his amusement or something?

Nope, it’s all part of His plan. Hmmm, that sounds a bit condescending. You know, everything that happens is part of His plan, whether it’s good or bad. Man, why doesn’t He just plan good things so everyone believes him?

It’s because God doesn’t want a fair-weather follower. He wants me to follow him through both the good and the bad. But that doesn’t mean I am free from doubt or mistakes. Indeed, I am often full of doubts and make plenty of mistakes.

I had this misconception that God will take care of everything if only I truly believed in Him. But then I heard once that God only answers 50% of your prayers, and I began wondering. I could pray to Gaea or Buddha and get those same results.

My prayers were not in His Will. I know, that sounds like a rather convenient answer but I realized most of my prayers were about myself. Prayer is not about what I want, for it’s about what He wants.

I said I didn’t know why I believed, but that’s not quite right.

I believe because I believe God.

Comments

[thanoslug.livejournal.com]

God answers 100% of prayers. He just doesn't always answer with a 'yes'. :)

I view the relationship of God with us as that of a good Father with his children. We, as children, with our limited understanding of things have a tendency to ask for many things, some of which are not actually good for us no matter how much we think we have to have them. So, as a good Father, God sometimes says no.

[purplkat.livejournal.com]

The problem that I have with this is situations where people undergo really inhuman amounts of suffering (for example, some of the Katrina survivors) over a prolonged period. How can this POSSIBLY be good for them or anyone? Isn't there a way to achieve the same good without putting them through what's effectively torture?

When I look at all the suffering going on in the world, especially in places like parts of Africa, I wonder how this can possibly be due to God playing at being a stern but loving parent.

Which isn't to say that God doesn't exist (although to be honest, I don't believe there is a God in the judeo-christian sense) but rather to say that having God be so involved in human affairs is a direct contradiction with having God be at all concerned about our wellbeing.

[thanoslug.livejournal.com]

There are several things that, I believe, go into an answer for this. I hope I am able to get my point across sufficiently well - it can be a difficult idea to express in a suitable fashion.

We are a world under the sway of sin. Our world is a spiritual battleground and all of mankind is on one of two sides. We are either with God or against Him - there are no other options. God's enemy is allowed to act in the world and this is the cause of much pain and suffering.

A child of Christ, however, is equipped to deal with whatever the enemy may try to throw against them. You don't fall under the direct love and protection of the Father unless you are His child. Yes, He cares for all of mankind but those who have committed their lives to Him and become His children receive His comfort to help them through whatever hardships may come their way. Many of the apostles from the bible were executed for their faith but that very faith gave them the strength to accept that fate.

I also believe that God allows a lot of the hardship in the world to happen because tribulation in a persons life can be a very polarizing thing. A lot of people find God exactly because they have been forced to the end of themselves and realized that they need something outside themselves to go on. In this way suffering can serve a very vital purpose.

So, as you can see, I don't see any contradiction at all.

[purplkat.livejournal.com]

God's enemy is allowed to act in the world and this is the cause of much pain and suffering.

Why? If God is omnipotent, why does he allow this?

A child of Christ, however, is equipped to deal with whatever the enemy may try to throw against them. You don't fall under the direct love and protection of the Father unless you are His child. Yes, He cares for all of mankind but those who have committed their lives to Him and become His children receive His comfort to help them through whatever hardships may come their way.

This sounds disturbingly close to the statements I've heard people say to the tune of 'this hardship is a punishment for your sins', 'this wouldn't have happened if you were more faithful', and worse: 'if you believed in God enough, you wouldn't have so much trouble coping with this'.

Sometimes people ARE pushed beyond the limits of their endurance, and I don't think that whether or not they're Christian has a whole hell of a lot to do with who gets pushed that way.

And it's very nice that God comforts people through hardships, but the question remains why said hardships have to happen in the first place.

To be clear: I HAVE heard satisfying answers to these questions. However, said answers have nothing to do with God having some kind of "plan" for which he manipulates events on earth.

[thanoslug.livejournal.com]

Why? If God is omnipotent, why does he allow this?

He gave man a shot at a perfect world and we screwed it up. He has, though, provided us a way to receive comfort through the tribulations of the world if we but accept it. And hey, according to Revelations He will not continue to allow it to go on indefinitely.

This sounds disturbingly close to the statements I've heard people say to the tune of 'this hardship is a punishment for your sins'

Umm, sins do get punished. Just like if a child does something wrong he/she gets spanked. When we sin, we suffer the consequences of sin.

'this wouldn't have happened if you were more faithful',

Not saying anything of the sort - you will notice I commented about apostles who were executed for their belief. Bad things can and do indeed happen to the most faithful of people. The thing is that, in the end, the faithful have the comfort of God and, ultimately, the joy of being with him once we slip this mortal coil.

and worse: 'if you believed in God enough, you wouldn't have so much trouble coping with this'.

Even David, a man described as being after God's own heart, had trouble at times coping with the travails in his life. However, he always turned these things over to God and received comfort. Job went through tragedy after tragedy but ultimately he trusted in God and ended up being blessed to a greater degree then before his hardships. The peace that passes understanding is more than just words.

I have been through my own hard times when I had no idea how I was going to care for my family but I was peaceful through them because of my trust in God. I know people who have been through incredibly hard times and it is because of having gone through that their faith grew and they became even more secure in the arms of God.

Sometimes people ARE pushed beyond the limits of their endurance, and I don't think that whether or not they're Christian has a whole hell of a lot to do with who gets pushed that way.

Yup, people do get pushed beyond the limits of their endurance. I am so very glad that I do not have to rely on my own limits but instead have the calm, the peace, and the strength of Christ in my life that allows me to endure anything the world can throw at me. And I pray for those who suffer through the world without God in their lives that they will turn to Him and find peace.

[purplkat.livejournal.com]

He gave man a shot at a perfect world and we screwed it up.

He didn't give us much of a shot, did he? He made the trees we weren't supposed to eat from, and he let the devil into the garden. Why the hell did he do that? Especially since, if he was omniscient, he must have KNOWN IN ADVANCE what we would do.

Also, wasn't Jesus dying supposed to have forgiven all of our sins, including that one? If so, why is the devil still allowed to use earth as a playground?

Umm, sins do get punished. Just like if a child does something wrong he/she gets spanked. When we sin, we suffer the consequences of sin.

First off, I don't believe in spanking. I was never spanked or grounded, and I turned out a hell of a lot better than friends of mine who were. I don't think that spanking teaches anything but "violence is an acceptable punishment" and "it's okay to hit".

Second: A miscarriage is not even on the same SCALE as a spanking, and that's just the first example off the top of my head of the sort of hardship that I am talking about. That kind of tragedy has no business being used as a punishment, and if God is doing that sort of thing, then God is an abusive father. Hell, that's not even a drop in the bucket compared to what goes on in some other countries, which brings me to this point:

I have been through my own hard times when I had no idea how I was going to care for my family but I was peaceful through them because of my trust in God. I know people who have been through incredibly hard times and it is because of having gone through that their faith grew and they became even more secure in the arms of God.

You know what, whatever hard times you've been through are also a drop in the bucket compared to what goes on in some other countries. I think that there is suffering in this country that deeply saddens me, yes, but the suffering that drives me to disbelieve in any kind of god who would allow it to happen while still interfering in other matters takes place in parts of Africa, Asia, the middle east, South America etc. I am talking about children who are born with AIDS in countries where there aren't adequate treatments available because their mothers contracted it trying to keep their people alive after most of the men were killed in genocide. I am talking about people starving to death, the women in Guatemala whose husbands were "taken away" for being dissidants and then who had the government deny that their husbands had ever even existed. I am talking about the people whose entire livelihoods were oblitherated and most of their family were killed in earthquakes or the recent tsunami -- and in places where there is little governmental support and almost no outside aid. I am talking about the "lost boys" of Africa.

There is hardship going on in the world every single day that makes the very worst thing that could EVER happen to you in America pale by comparison. If God takes a hand in some affairs, why not in all?

[thanoslug.livejournal.com]

He didn't give us much of a shot, did he? He made the trees we weren't supposed to eat from, and he let the devil into the garden. Why the hell did he do that? Especially since, if he was omniscient, he must have KNOWN IN ADVANCE what we would do.

Also, wasn't Jesus dying supposed to have forgiven all of our sins, including that one? If so, why is the devil still allowed to use earth as a playground?

Because, I believe, God did not want blind followers who only followed and believed in Him because there were no other options. God made us with the ability to choose to follow Him or not and our service to Him is all the more special because we chose to do so despite whatever options there were out there.

And yes, Christ died on the cross to save us from our sins. However, in order to benefit from that sacrifice we first have to accept Christ as our Saviour and Lord. You don't get the benefit without the commitment.

First off, I don't believe in spanking.

I believe punishment to be a very important teaching tool just as I believe praise and reward to be very important teaching tools. There are, however, exceptions to most rules - some kids don't need to be spanked, some need to have their backsides reddened almost every day. For my own children, a stern word from me is usually all that is needed. Everyone is different.

As to the rest of your post, I don't know the mind of God and I don't have all the answers. I know it sounds callous but, ultimately, our time on this earth is very short and any amount of suffering fleeting compared to the eternity after our death. All the suffering that a human can have heaped upon them is as nothing to the suffering that Christ bore when he died on the cross for us. God has born worse than any of us ever has or will on this earth.

If God takes a hand in some affairs, why not in all?

I answered this for you a post or two ago. God cares for all of His creation and would have us all receive His grace. However, it requires that we first acknowledge Him as Saviour and Lord and turn our lives over to Him.

[purplkat.livejournal.com]

Because, I believe, God did not want blind followers who only followed and believed in Him because there were no other options. God made us with the ability to choose to follow Him or not and our service to Him is all the more special because we chose to do so despite whatever options there were out there.

How it is a sin if he set us up?

I answered this for you a post or two ago. God cares for all of His creation and would have us all receive His grace. However, it requires that we first acknowledge Him as Saviour and Lord and turn our lives over to Him.

So, in essence, you are of the opinion that the -really- bad things don't happen to Good Christians.

[thanoslug.livejournal.com]

How it is a sin if he set us up?

He didn't set us up. He created a world and established rules. Man chose to break the rules.

So, in essence, you are of the opinion that the -really- bad things don't happen to Good Christians.

LOL, if you are only going to see what you want to see in my responses as opposed to what I actually say then I'm done here. I, personally, consider being persecuted, tortured, and executed for ones belief in God as well as seeing the same thing done to ones family and friends to be a -really- bad thing and all that in addition to the normal trials and tribulations that the world has to offer, but that's just me I guess.

[purplkat.livejournal.com]

He didn't set us up. He created a world and established rules. Man chose to break the rules

You're giving me contradictory answers here. Either God set out the rules and man broke them (in which case the question is what God was thinking, because God had to have allowed the devil into the garden, and God had to have known that man was going to break the rules, being omniscient) or else what man did had to happen in order for man to really live and have free will, in which case how is what man did a sin? It was something that needed to be done.

If God needed man to sin by breaking the rules, how is it fair to lay down a punishment for something that God more or less brought about because it had to happen one way or another? That seems terribly unfair to me.

LOL, if you are only going to see what you want to see in my responses as opposed to what I actually say then I'm done here. I, personally, consider being persecuted, tortured, and executed for ones belief in God as well as seeing the same thing done to ones family and friends to be a -really- bad thing and all that in addition to the normal trials and tribulations that the world has to offer, but that's just me I guess.

Again, I'm not understanding you because you keep giving me contradictory answers.

My core question is: If God takes any hand in the world, then why doesn't he take a hand to stop the horrible things that happen? I would consider being persecuted, tortured, and killed for one's beliefs (something that happens to Christians to this day in Africa, BTW) to be pretty horrible, yes, and I'm not understanding why, if God occasionally takes a hand to keep little Bobby from being too badly hurt in the car accident, he doesn't, you know, protect his missionaries better so that they can keep doing good work. What's the -point- of letting them suffer and die, if God is willing to interfere in order to spare others?

I mean, it makes sense to me if you stipulate that God -doesn't- take a hand, or maybe limits his interferance to offering advice every now and again, and I can even understand that in the context of "our sufferings on this earth are brief". But if any suffering is worth God directly alleviating, then why not all suffering?

What you seemed to be saying was that suffering is a punishment, which is what is confusing me. A punishment for what? If it's a punishment for the original sin (which I don't even understand in terms of why it's a sin) then why are people who have accepted Christ in their lives allowed to suffer? If it's not a punishment, then what is it? Why is it allowed to happen?

[thanoslug.livejournal.com]

I made a post about this stuff over in my LJ. You are welcome to come read it and comment as you wish.

[purplkat.livejournal.com]

Personally, I get up in the morning because I'm hungry, and my cats are going to keep running around and causing trouble until I do. :P

[exrandu.livejournal.com]

Heretic though you may claim to be, you possess more faith than many a so-called Follower of the Way.