I'm a rude person

[greybeta]

So at lunch today, one of my friends was eating something, and I asked what she was eating. She said it was supposed to be tabouli, but she wasn't going to eat it anymore. I then proceeded to blurt out, "Tabouli is crap!"

Of course, tabouli had to be her favorite food. Which of course led to a discussion about how rude I was to interject my opinion when she didn't ask for it.

To be polite, I apparently should have said "I'm not a big fan of tabouli" or something like that. I dunno, though, I think my way is more quicker and stronger. And yet, strong can be wrong. Sigh, certain things about common courtesy will forever confuse me.

It's hard for a mean person to act nice, ya know?

Comments

i like tabouli

[themaskedsmile.livejournal.com]

you might have been justified in saying that tabouli is crap, especially if you don't know what real tabouli is (which has never been served in the caf).

although you might think that real tabouli, which is a salad consisting mainly of parsley, is gross too.

oh, i'm missing the point... i'm not saying that your comment wasn't rude (in that context, it was), just that your statement might have been correct.

[thanoslug.livejournal.com]

Pfft, nothing wrong with telling a friend that something they like is crap. My friends and I tell each other that kind of thing all the time.

[nickel.livejournal.com]

I embarassed a coworker terribly when he pulled the same stunt on me. My response was basically a very chilly: 'Your opinion is neither invited nor welcome.'

We didn't much get along after that. And truth is that I wouldn't have said that much if he hadn't added gagging noises to his critique. You could have been more rude.

As to the advantages of quicker and stronger...

What is the value of being in a hurry to communicate? Hurried communication is more likely to be misinterpretted. The only real value of hurried communication is the ability to cram more of it into a short period of time. Slow down, enjoy, not like you were cramming for an exam or something.

And as for stronger, you can have a strong sentence, and you can have a strong appearance, which are you trying to accomplish? The latter seems like, since it is possible to say the same thing in a much more potent way. And is your ego really worth the conflict that could arise?

[happydog.livejournal.com]

it is quicker, but not stronger. By stating your opinion rudely, you have left yourself in a position to be attacked. So, although it appears strong, you have actually undercut yourself and made yourself vulnerable.

[eyelashpeekie.livejournal.com]

You said "more quicker". Oww. My ears.

[kimmaline.livejournal.com]

I think the issue is that when someone says something SO definitively, it automatically negates everyone else's feelings...at least subconsciously. If you say, "I hate tabouli...I think it's the worst tasting shit on the planet!!!" that is a way of being forceful and strong, without negating other people's opinions and thoughts on the subject.

When you say, "Something is crap!" it shows that you aren't speaking your opinion...you are stating something as definitive as the sky is blue. And even though it is a subtle difference, I've found that it automatically puts people on the defensive. Before they've gotten to speak, you've negated their feelings...and shown that there is no opinion other than yours that has any merit.


Why, grasshopper...do you think you do that? You and I both know that it isn't as simple as being forceful...

[stella-x3x3.livejournal.com]

I get you. Im the same way.

[exrandu.livejournal.com]

Honey catches more flies.

Re: i like tabouli

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

I guess there's the old cliche of "it's not what you say, it's how you say it."

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

I guess you have to reach a comfort level or something before you can do that.

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

I habitually talk fast because there's a lot on my mind. The value of strong communication is that you tend to spend less time with idiots. I just guess I don't mind letting my opinions known, even if they're rather caustic.

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure about that. Rude strength is still strength; just because it can be attacked doesn't make it any less strong. Polite strength has its own sets of weaknesses.

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

Well, I hardly ever edt my posts. You'l just have to live with a few typo.

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

Dunno, I learned under a different school of thought. My opinion is the only opinion that has merit. ^_^

But, seriously, I'd rather not be mistaken. I think a lot of things. There are only so many that I feel strongly about. "Tabouli is crap" just happens to be one of them.

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

You're the same way in that you're rude or in another way?

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

Have fun with your flies.

[stella-x3x3.livejournal.com]

'I am the same way in that it is hard for me to act nice.. generally becasue I am a mean person.. I can't help it though. Its who I am. Take it or leave it.

[stella-x3x3.livejournal.com]

Oh. And I can also be very rude. I say what I want before I think about it a lot of the time.

[thanoslug.livejournal.com]

There are acquaintances and there are friends. Friends are people who know me well enough to know that when I say that something is crap that it is merely an exagerration of my opinion and meant in jest to poke fun at them for liking whatever it is and will allow it to roll off of them without taking offense and likely retaliate with a jab at me. We laugh over it and continue on because we are friends and know each other.

I wouldn't tell a mere acquaintance that something were crap unless it, in fact, was. I would not assume they know me well enough to take it in the manner it was intended.

So yeah, you have to reach a certain comfort level. :)

[thanoslug.livejournal.com]

That assumes you want to catch flies. :p

Flies are crap.

[happydog.livejournal.com]

but if it doesn't get you the response you want...
...see,it's all about timing.

[sleepybluekitty.livejournal.com]

To be polite, I apparently should have said "I'm not a big fan of tabouli" or something like that.

But that's like saying tabouli is crap with pillows wrapped around it. How did you make that icon?

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

How did you make that icon?
A LJ friend of mine introduced me to Tektek's Gaia Online Avatar Creator. It's for an online game. The actual product is a bit too big so you'll have to crop/resize the image to make it 100X100.