Why I will never get married

[greybeta]

I know, never say never. But nonetheless, a reader did ask me why I think I will never get married...

It's a long story, and I think I've told bits and pieces of it before. Eh, there are several aspects to this, but the biggest is that I'm supposed to get an arranged marriage.

Well, I say arranged marriage, but it's more like my parents are supposed to be my matchmakers. Now that's a love connection for ya.

You'd think this wouldn't work, but it actually works out more often than not. This is because parents often choose to match with another family of equal socioeconomic status, so there's a balance.

Besides, the kids usually know each other anyways. Having the parents be matchmakers is just tradition.

Where it doesn't work, of course, is when the match is made between two people who don't love each other but the marriage happens for political or business reasons. But hey, that happens in non-arranged marriages as well.

On a personal level, I am not quite as confident when it comes to relationships. I may have a good IQ, but my EQ is lacking, to put it lightly.

I don't know how I come across on my blog, but I'm pretty sure it's a lot more positive than I am in real life. I manage to edit away most of the negativity on my blog, but in real life it tends to creep out more and in the most unfortunate situations.

Then there's the whole thing about how being in love means being willing to have your heart crushed by another person. I'm not afraid of being crushed; rather, I'm afraid of doing the crushing.

Not only that, but I am called to be a history teacher in Arkansas. What kind of girl wants to be poor and live in Arkansas for the rest of her life?

Comments

[bart-calendar.livejournal.com]

Bleh there are plenty of girls who would be happy to be married to teachers in Arkansas.

Don't use your potential job to justify a fear of commitment.

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

While my head tells me that's true, my heart often tells me differently. But I'm working on it...

[haikujaguar.livejournal.com]

Man, what? What about all the girls already living in Arkansas? I think they'd be kind of disgruntled that you are forgetting all about them/presuming they're all desperate to live anywhere else. -_-

What's wrong with Arkansas, anyway? :)

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

It's not Arkansas, it's just me. =)

[http://users.livejournal.com/merle_/]

No, no, I'm fairly sure it's Arkansas. ;-)

The state does have a few things going for it, like insanely low housing prices. I think of it (and similar states) as a good place to retire to. I could flat-out buy eighty acres and a decent fixer-upper for less than a downpayment on a small condo out here.

[fortunavirilis.livejournal.com]

Hey, what about female teachers in Arkansas? They can't all be married and undesirable! And they seem to want to live in Arkansas too. As you said- never say never.

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

I do tend to be overly pessimistic. I'm sure I'll feel better about my chances after I get my teaching license...

[fitfool.livejournal.com]

Whether it's through an arranged marriage or not, relationships take work. And if you stay together in a relationship long enough, both parties will eventually crush the other. But the rewards! The rewards are so worth the risk.

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

This is where being a lazy person hurts me. Guess it's time to go through some pain for the gain! =)

[enigmajoe2002.livejournal.com]

So do you actually want to be in a relationship or not? From this entry it sounds like you don't even want to be in a relationship.

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

Some days I do, most days I do not...

[katranna.livejournal.com]

Wait what? You say yourself parent-arranged marriages often work out (and you'd get to vet the girl before marrying her anyone, no one will force you to marry someone you really don't want to), AND yes there are plenty of girls already living in Arkansas or in other similar states! And plenty who'd be happy to be married to teachers! And... you're afraid of doing the crushing? Seriously?? Just, uh... don't be a total jerk. Not that hard.

I don't see how your posts explains "I won't get married" at all. It seems to in fact indicate that you can get married quite easily.

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

It's quite irrational, I admit. I always try to insert logic into love, which never seems to work...

[tybuc.livejournal.com]

On a personal level, I am not quite as confident when it comes to relationships. I may have a good IQ, but my EQ is lacking, to put it lightly.

Who cares? Some of us are late bloomers. I guarantee even Robert Redford had awkward moments back in the day (a LONG time ago). Guys don't like to admit it but none of us were born Rico Suave, charm takes time to develop. Unfortunately, some of us wait too long to address the issue and it certainly gets much worse the longer you wait. Never too late to start though, and it's *certainly* something you should be addressing by now.

Also don't listen to those feebs who give out dating advice. Everyone's looking for something different in a woman and it's hard to tell what that is unless you've dated enough. Just swallow your pride and acknowledge that you're going to go through several Ms. Wrongs (unless you get mad lucky), but that you're going to learn from each one of them.

I don't know how I come across on my blog, but I'm pretty sure it's a lot more positive than I am in real life. I manage to edit away most of the negativity on my blog, but in real life it tends to creep out more and in the most unfortunate situations.

Feeling negative during an anxious situation is natural, feeling it all the time is a sign of uncertainty and fear. I say get shithoused and hit on some waitresses. It will cultivate an imperviousness to rejection. I can tell you that works from firsthand experience.

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

Well, they do say that practice makes perfect...

[eh-notsomuch.livejournal.com]

After I broke up with a boyfriend in September 2002, I decided to prepare myself for the idea that maybe I wouldn't get married after all.

Met my husband via Match.com 5 months later, at the age of 31.

Never say never!

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

Well, the probably of a miracle, though infinitesmally small, is never exactly zero! ^_^

[cynicalcleric.livejournal.com]

It seems you have failed to edit out the negativity from this post. :P

I think the market for people I would want to marry (much less vice versa) is pretty slim too; I'm not sure how it compares to Vietnamese history teachers in Arkansas but you clearly know what you want do with your life and that always gets points with the ladies.

If a relationship isn't that important to you, that's fine. If a marriage isn't something you need to make your life complete, whatever. But just because you're not out there actively searching for someone and bemoaning every moment you're single, there's not need to be so negative about it.

You make it sound like if you saw an attractive girl and she walked up to you and said "I like history and think Asian guys are hot", you would practically run screaming in terror in the opposite direction because OMG THIS CAN'T BE REAL AND WILL ONLY END IN ME BREAKING HER HEART WHEN SHE REALIZES I AM A LOSER!!!

Poppycock.

If someone with potential comes along, don't be afraid of it. Go in with eyes open and just be honest. 99% of the time people get hurt in a relationship because one (or both) of them are douchebags. Don't be afraid.

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

You make it sound like if you saw an attractive girl and she walked up to you and said "I like history and think Asian guys are hot", you would practically run screaming in terror in the opposite direction because OMG THIS CAN'T BE REAL AND WILL ONLY END IN ME BREAKING HER HEART WHEN SHE REALIZES I AM A LOSER!!!
I usually don't get a chance to run away. Mostly because I wake up at that point...

[moocowrich.livejournal.com]

I moved to Mississippi as a teacher and got married. Arkansas seems better than Mississippi. Just sayin'.

Also, if you want to meet a bunch of available girls in the general Arkansas area (though this would be eastern Arkansas...people can drive), I will happily meet you for the first time and take you to some sort of Teach For America event, full of good prospects. I will even talk you up the whole time. No excuses, cowboy.

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

I know, several people have recommended that I do Teach for America. I'll think about it...