The specter of the real world
Apr. 5th, 2005 04:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greybetaI know what’s been bothering me. The specter of the real world, being able to choose to do anything I want. My scheming roommate and I discussed what was bothering me…and him.
When you’re growing up, you’re often told that you can do anything you want. You can be anything you want. What they neglect to tell you is that freedom comes at a price. The price is that you are responsible for your decisions. The funny thing is that no one ever tells you, “Hey, dude, you’re an adult now.” Nope, it just kind of dawns on you one day.
Nobody can tell you what to do. Nobody is going to wake up you up in the morning but yourself. Sure, your alarm can blare in the morning all it wants, but you can easily turn it off. You can watch TV all day if you want and nobody can stop you. Of course, you’ll eventually get hungry or tired and so you’ll have to search for a job of some sort. Or beg from your parents and friends.
For so long, all I’ve done is try to please my parents. But I realize the only true way to please my parents would have to become a doctor, in the MD sense. Some part of me rebelled against that notion, though not fully, which landed me in electrical engineering. Circuits are interesting, but they weren’t my purpose in life. It was doing my research on the Vietnam War that struck a chord in me, leading to a chain of events that allowed me to become a history major.
But now, I don’t know if I want to teach high school or college. I read over my Truman Application and one of the things that stood out with me is the fact that I talked about the problem with education. It harkened back to what my high school chemistry teacher once told me.
If I pursued the high school path, I could be doing what I want in three to four years (and I would prefer teaching in Arkansas or Oklahoma). The professor path would be a long and arduous journey through French, Vietnamese, and possibly Chinese. Both would be costly, and for the first time I realize that I am the only one who can make that decision. And there won’t be some red line that I will cross to let me know that I’ve chosen wisely. I wake up with that uncertainty everyday, and it’s causing me to lose focus.
I’m like a ship that doesn’t know where it wants to sail to. Oh, I can sail far and wide, but it’s all pointless traveling without a destination. Limits, I need remember what my limits are.
I can choose freely, but I am not free of the consequences.
When you’re growing up, you’re often told that you can do anything you want. You can be anything you want. What they neglect to tell you is that freedom comes at a price. The price is that you are responsible for your decisions. The funny thing is that no one ever tells you, “Hey, dude, you’re an adult now.” Nope, it just kind of dawns on you one day.
Nobody can tell you what to do. Nobody is going to wake up you up in the morning but yourself. Sure, your alarm can blare in the morning all it wants, but you can easily turn it off. You can watch TV all day if you want and nobody can stop you. Of course, you’ll eventually get hungry or tired and so you’ll have to search for a job of some sort. Or beg from your parents and friends.
For so long, all I’ve done is try to please my parents. But I realize the only true way to please my parents would have to become a doctor, in the MD sense. Some part of me rebelled against that notion, though not fully, which landed me in electrical engineering. Circuits are interesting, but they weren’t my purpose in life. It was doing my research on the Vietnam War that struck a chord in me, leading to a chain of events that allowed me to become a history major.
But now, I don’t know if I want to teach high school or college. I read over my Truman Application and one of the things that stood out with me is the fact that I talked about the problem with education. It harkened back to what my high school chemistry teacher once told me.
If I pursued the high school path, I could be doing what I want in three to four years (and I would prefer teaching in Arkansas or Oklahoma). The professor path would be a long and arduous journey through French, Vietnamese, and possibly Chinese. Both would be costly, and for the first time I realize that I am the only one who can make that decision. And there won’t be some red line that I will cross to let me know that I’ve chosen wisely. I wake up with that uncertainty everyday, and it’s causing me to lose focus.
I’m like a ship that doesn’t know where it wants to sail to. Oh, I can sail far and wide, but it’s all pointless traveling without a destination. Limits, I need remember what my limits are.
I can choose freely, but I am not free of the consequences.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-04-05 10:11 pm (UTC)I struggle with this too. The only thing I can say, is that I wish when I was younger someone would have made me NOT consider the path to get to where I would end up...but to actually consider what my day to day life was going to be like once I got there. I never got that...that what really mattered was how I was going to be spending every day for the bulk of my life. I was SO focused on the path...do I want to be in this school, or that...what are my friends doing, etc. Really, whether it takes you five years or fifteen...you need to consider the end result FIRST, and then decide if you can live with the path.
I didn't get that at your age. And, it's sad, really.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-06 12:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-05 10:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-06 12:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-06 04:24 am (UTC)There's one thing you are still missing, though. You get to pick again. If it turns out that what you are doing isn't all you had hoped and you think you might like something else better, make it happen.
Even after you pick what you want to do, you have the option of choosing again.
Don't forget that. Don't use it as an excuse to give up when the going gets rough, but don't forget it.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-06 09:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-06 08:18 am (UTC)That being said/written, it is also important to realise that there is a time for every choice. "All good choices have one thing in common: they are made at the right time" -- I never thought that I would ever agree with the slogan from a bank commercial, but I do.
Right now, you see two paths before you: teaching history in high school, or teaching history on a college. But do you have to make that choice now? Isn't the professor-path roughly the same as the highschool path, with more stuff added to it? If that is the case, then why not pursue the professor path -- because you can always 'fall back' onto the highschool path.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-06 09:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-06 01:12 pm (UTC)Examples from my life. I got engaged to be married while still in college. I had no job lined up and only the rather pathetic income of being a Teaching Assistant - not really enough even to support myself, much less myself and my bride to be. What I did have though was my faith that God would take care of me and so I didnt worry about it. I simply moved forward along the path that I felt God had for me. I was offered a job by a company that I had not even sent a resume to and was gainfully employed one month before getting married.
Then, of course, there is my current situation with losing my job. I did not fret or worry over the loss but simply had faith. I got my resume out to a few recruiters and I waited and prayed. I start work at a new and much better job on Monday.
God is good and will take care of His children.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-06 09:25 pm (UTC)