A hedgehog's dilemma (revisited)

[greybeta]

I believe I’ve written about this once before, but I feel the need to revisit it again. Recently, I had an interesting conversation with a good friend of mine. We got on the subject of my habit of “tagging” people. I like to try to tag people with nicknames, some commonplace and some of my own creation. “Italian Stallion” would be an example of a commonplace nickname. “Da Noise” would be an example of one of my own creations.

Calling people by their regular name gets boring for me.

My friend challenged me to tag her. Now trying to come up with a nickname on the spot for someone is rather difficult. But a flash of insight came to me. I decided to tag her with the name of Miss Hedgehog. She liked it, although she wondered why I would call her that. It was from something she told me about once, about how easy it was to feel alone on a campus full of one’s friends.

That thought reminded me of the Hedgehog’s Dilemma (yes, this is taken from the anime Neon Genesis Evangelion).

You see, hedgehogs are rather curious creatures in terms of what nature has given them to defend themselves. They have spikes to allow them to survive their brushes against danger. Their spikes ward them from harm as they curl into a protective ball. But those same spikes which keep their enemies out also prevent their friends from getting too close to them. That is because a hedgehog must be willing to endure quite a bit of pain to interact with other hedgehogs. If a hedgehog avoids pain, then it cannot truly be part of the community and will feel lonely. The dilemma is whether or not the hedgehog wants to avoid pain or avoid loneliness.

Much like a hedgehog, we all wear emotional armor to protect ourselves from harm. We cannot bare our souls to the world, for we would be crushed. But, every so often, we have to let our guard down. Otherwise, our emotions would explode on us. But it’s a scary thing to put your heart in someone else’s hands. Will they crush it or will they lift it up? You can never be quite sure. That’s the risk, but the reward is that you will have created a bond. Some bonds are stronger than others to be sure. In my culture, family is considered to be the strongest bond.

We all hope and pray some day that we find the one person to share our deepest and darkest secrets with. Yet that is a hedgehog’s greatest dilemma: If it shares its deepest pains with another, it must be willing to be gashed deeply itself.

I’ve heard marriage is something like that.

Not that I would know, of course.

Comments

[zoethe.livejournal.com]

It's very true. But consider that there are some people whose pain is their emotional armor - they don't have to deal with the world because OMG they are in PAIN!!!

[purplkat.livejournal.com]

But in those cases, they're relying on the pain that they know and can quantify to protect them from untold and unknown pain which they clearly feel would be worse. So their pain is their armor protecting them from worse and different pain. It's still a similar situation.

Plus, people who use pain as their armor frequently aren't protecting themselves from people, but rather from events. All of the people who I've known who wallow in OMG the pain! will actually seek out a support network, to the point of forcing friendship on people who really aren't ready for that level of closeness yet (*cough me.) especially with someone who's looking a bit like a drama whore. So they actually tend to reach out to people more. It's more common for someone protecting themselves from people, in my experience, to insist that they are "fine" in order to make people go away.

[zoethe.livejournal.com]

You mistake "using people" for "reaching out." The pain whores I've known have never been particularly interested in interaction, only strokes for them. Useful suggestions are likely to lead to you no longer being part of their support circle.

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, I never considered that. Interesting.

[purplkat.livejournal.com]

This is a sweet and touching post, and it could have easily been written for me. I like it :)

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked it. And, to some degree, it's true for all of us. :)

[fub.livejournal.com]

I’ve heard marriage is something like that.
No, you've got it the wrong way around: first you find someone like that, then you marry them.
Marriage itself will not magically cure all your ills -- I know this because I witnessed the divorce of two of my friends who had that exact thought.

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

No, you've got it the wrong way around: first you find someone like that, then you marry them.
Duly noted.

[stella-x3x3.livejournal.com]

Awe.

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

Awe, awwwww, or aye? I'd like some clarification. ;)

[stella-x3x3.livejournal.com]

hmmm... well i would says its Awe like Awe thats a cute story. I liked this post alot. More Clear?

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

I always think of awe as in "I stand in awe of something." But now I know my other suspicion was correction. Thanks for clarifying. :)

[stella-x3x3.livejournal.com]

Hmmm i was in awe of your post?? So i guess both of your suspicions were right. No Problem.