greybeta | I am a heretic

I am a heretic (who is monkeying around with my faith)

Every so often in your life, you will encounter a bright person. When I say someone is bright, I mean two things. First, they are very smart. Second, they are brilliantly sharp. Now at any given high school, maybe two or three people have attained their maximum brightness. Most of us have to wait until college before finding our true spark. When that happens, that light bulb inside our head will shine brightly for everyone to see.

(I get too many of my ideas from cartoons.)

Sometimes, these bright people shine so intensely that they are like angels to the people they know. You think it would be good to be an angel, except that if you’ve ever watched the movie Dogma you would understand the drawbacks of being an angel. They are closer to God than humans are, but angels cannot have romantic relationships. You might say that is the price of being able to solely focus on God and heavenly matters.

It is sort of scary when an angel does come into your life. Think about Isaiah when the angel of Lord appeared before him. Isaiah immediately knew that he was not worthy. And, since it’s Christmas season, let’s think about Gabriel appearing before Joseph and warning him to take his family to Egypt. This is why I hate the Bible. It focuses on the major story too much, leaving the little details out. See, after hundred upon hundreds years of translation, I think scholars learned just to get to the gist of the story to avoid boring people with a long winded setup. The Bible does not mention a very simple fact that we all know to be true: Joseph was p*ssing in his pants when Gabriel appeared before him.

(I am serious.)

When an angel appears in your life, it is often to admonish you or warn you about something. I treat others as my properties, as my playthings (hrmmmm, for some reading I have this image of a certain red headed Lyssa thinking I would be a devious dom in an S&M relationship) (I wonder how many of my fine Christian friends just had to type S&M in Wikipedia to understand what I just talked about) (You know, the reason why I would make a great history teacher is because I love to digress). I have the sin of pride, the sin of hubris. I trust my own abilities far too often. I allow myself to feel haughty seeing the weaknesses of others thanks to my spiritual gift of discernment. I do not sincerely apologize for my actions, I just mouth the words “sorry”. I do not have the sensitivity to regret what I say, only enough sensitivity to ensure my place in society.

The spiritual gift of discernment is both a blessing and a curse upon the one God bestows this powerful ability. Discernment allows its user to peer into the souls of others. Anyone with a weaker personality becomes like an open book because the discerning user can glean a lot of information from what they say or do. Stronger personalities are more difficult to crack, but eventually a discerning user can read them through the user’s own actions and words towards the stronger personality. The most difficult people to read, then, are quiet people because they have very little to cue in on.

(I would make a great poker player if I did not love the words “all-in”.)

Think about a person with perfect pitch. They have the ability to identify a note by name without the benefit of a reference note, or to be able to produce a note (as in singing) that is the correct pitch without reference (thank you Wikipedia). It is a curse for them to listen to music being played by amateurs, for every mistake is like a cat scratching her nails across a chalkboard…times ten. People with perfect pitch are often perfectionists when it comes to music. They will work hard to get a song right because they cannot stand the pain of the wrong notes.

When it comes to people, I have perfect pitch. Huh? I mean that I can see those who are doing what they should be doing and I can see those who are not. How do I know this? God granted me the spiritual gift of discernment. It is as if I am Mr. Holland, and everyone I know is part of my opus. It angers me to see people waste their potential. It saddens me to see people who have given up on their potential. It soothes me to see someone close to actualizing his or her potential. It cheers me up when someone realizes his or her personal legend.

A good friend of mine once accused me of being very deceitful. He knows that I mislead others so they will work for my profit. I stand accused correctly. I have worked on my ability to tell others what they want to hear so much it has become second nature to me. I can hide the fact that I like someone because they would never know unless I told them directly. I lie so well I’ve become too good at hiding my emotions and thoughts. I guard my heart and mind tighter than the security at the State of the Union Address.

(If I were a hedgehog, my spikes would be the longest and most painful ones of my community.)

This same friend of mine also accused me of being very manipulative. He knows that I often pretend to play the fool so I do not have to do much work. I am a very lazy, spoiled brat. I play people like a master pianist. I claim that I am terrible at the expressive side of piano. I am just being self-deprecating, as I play the piano fairly well…it’s just that I am too lazy to practice enough to bring out the true emotion of the song. More to the point, I play for myself. I selfishly only play the songs that I do like. In the same way, I choose to be straightforwardly insulting to people because the people who can withstand my brutal honesty are the people who I can help and/or understand. The people who are honestly insulted by my piercing jests are honestly not worth my time.

Now let’s consider sheet music. We all know that masterpieces have an exact arrangement that is required to be repeated over and over by all aspiring pianists. Fur Elise will always be played the same way. As well it should, for it is the quintessential piano song—a fast yet slow, loud yet soft, long yet short song that requires a mastery of many techniques. My ultimate goal in piano playing is not only to memorize Fur Elise, but also play it to perfection. It will be a lifetime pursuit.

Other songs can be more personalized, however. There are dozens of renditions of Christmas songs. A lot of sheet music only has the notes for the right hand, i.e. the melody. It is up to the player to come up with the harmony. I know a certain Italian Stallion who is a master at improv playing and his ability to come up with the harmony on his own astounds me. He told me that the sheet music is only a guide, but it is up to the player to come up with the right notes.

I personalize people with nicknames because they are part of the song I am playing. My nicknames are pregnant with meaning. They describe a certain characteristic of someone or where they are from or what they are to do with their lives. The Thief steals from others to live. Kimono-chan refers to a girl who has fallen in love with Japan and wearing kimonos. Monsieur Maine refers to a French speaking Maine man who defines his state.

I am frustrated by the people who fail to see who they are. Do not be afraid of who you are. If you are a flaming gay liberal, come out of the closet and admit it. I won’t like your politics, but I will respect you as a person. If anthropology is what gets you up in the morning, go be an anthropologist. It really is that simple to find your happiness. If you are to be an anime voice actor, go to broadcasting school already. Trust me, you will find your destiny there.

But my biggest pet peeve involves those who refuse to be tagged by me. Or, to put it more bluntly, those who think I am wrong when I tag them with an insulting nickname. If you are an environmental policy major, you are a treehugger. If you study geology, you are a rock lover. If you wear glasses and your name is Kent, you are Superman. Accept who you are because otherwise you are denying your true self.

(I know that little.)

Unlike perfect pitch, discernment cannot be used on yourself. It is impossible to tell who you are by what you know about yourself because you are too biased. It is in your best interests to think that you are the most awesomest person in the world. Why would you think otherwise? It would be stupid for you not to believe you are great. And so it is that you must rely on others to be your mirrors, to reveal who you are. And some mirrors show yourself more of you than others.

I have seen my true self recently. I speak humbly, but I am an arrogant bastard. I get bored with life. I am antisocial. I do not treat others with respect because I think I am better than them. These things run contrary to what a Christian disciple should be. And it’s so much easier just to say screw it all, I’d rather be a heretic. Cause at least when I am a heretic I can be myself. People think I pay too much attention to the little things in life. No, I don’t think so. The little things in life matter!

So a friend of mine said I had to answer one question whether I am a heretic or not. Do I believe that the Bible is God’s Word and how do I resolve that question with regards to whether or not Jesus is the only way? You know, I often don’t reveal my true thoughts. But I’ll just be straightforward to save time.

I am a heretic.

The Bible has been translated incorrectly dozens of time. We lose things in translation. The Bible is God’s Word, sure, if you believe that. But do I believe that the Bible is God’s Word. As much as the Dao De Jing is God’s Word or the Quran is God’s Word or the Bhagavadgita is God’s Word. If I grew up in a different culture then would I not take my culture’s “Bible” as my God’s Word?

Jesus is the only way? Sorry I only have three words for that. THAT’S SOME BUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLL!!! You know why I say this? Because while I do sense something different within true disciples of Christ, I sense that same special difference in true disciples of Allah, true disciples of Buddha, true disciples of Satan, etc. I kid you not. I feel the same goodness in the president of the Muslim Student Association as I do the intern at the Baptist Student Union. They’re both fair and fallible people; moreover, their faith is genuine.

(And my power of discernment is pretty good.)

But I am equally mad at the atheists who claim there exists no God. These are the people who would ascribe their life to random chance. Was it random chance that we have an atmosphere? Was it random chance that the sun is just far enough away to sustain us? Was it random chance that our bodies are the most amazing pieces of machinery ever? No, it’s bullsh*t if you don’t admit that there is some sort of Divine Force. Cause if there ain’t, I’m coming to your house and shooting you.

(Judge, I swear, it's not my fault because I did it due to "random chance.")

Can you tell me something I already don’t know? I do not think so. One of the downsides of having an eidetic memory is that you remember too much. I read something and then I can’t forget it. People annoy me because they're always telling me what I already know! But you know what the frightening thing is? I can tell whether or not a person truly believes what they’re saying. Too many people at church regurgitate the textbook "Sunday School answer" instead of thinking for themselves.

(Of course, I’m guilty of just quoting other people to hide my true opinions.)

One thing you will learn by studying history is that true believers are the most dangerous people on the Earth. Stalin was never as dangerous as Mao Zedong because Stalin never truly believed Marx. Stalin simply co-opted Marx’s ideals for his own benefit. Mao Zedong really did believe that the proletariat would rise up in the world and overthrow their capitalist masters. The book that best describes several different views on the allure of idealism is “The God That Failed Us”. If you read it, you will see how rational people were duped into believing Communism. But if you replaced Communism with Christianity, you would understand why so many people fall away from the conservative, fundamental Christianity in our modern times.

People with a strong faith should major in business or science. Business just deals with money so there is little conflict with their faith. It’s all about dealing with people and selling yourself, which isn’t too hard if you have the right personality. Christian scientists and engineers resolve the difficulty between science and religion by seeing that they study God’s handiwork through mathematics and other scientific descriptors. Heck, you could even say evolution is God’s way of shaping our world.

You know what a good Christian should avoid studying? Liberal arts. Liberal arts is rife with professors who will challenge your thinking and your faith. The typical sheltered Christian cannot withstand these new challenges without resorting to “God said so” or “I believe in the infallibility of the Bible” arguments. Well, sh*t, I could just say “Buddha said so” or “I believe in the infallibility of my @$$” and it would be the same argument. Only someone who grew up in a dualistic background or one where their parents questioned them constantly would actually grow stronger if challenged in their faith.

I will leave you with one of my signature bad poems...

The Brightest Angel
The good Lord created beings of light
Before He created mankind.
Angels sang gloriously to the King of Might,
With their clear and pure mind.
Yet trouble stirred in Heaven,
As one angel thought he shined brighter
Than the Omniscient, Omnipotent Judge of Sin.
Ironically, God named him Lucifer.

Current Mood: heretical

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

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i-aldarion.livejournal.com

Good entry this morning, if a bit wordalicious (says the pot to the kettle). I'd never heard it called 'spiritual discernment' before your last entry, and I like your explaination of it... mayhap I'll use that next time I try to explain myself to people. (For yea, though she is not oft eloquent, she also can read people, and not only can read people, can't NOT read them. Yeow, that can get irritating!)

I still don't understand why accepting that other Words Of God are just as good makes you a heretic, though. Granted, I didn't grow up in a Christian religious household... in fact, neither of my households GOT religion until I was about seven or eight, when Mom started dabbling in Quakerism and Dad started coming back to his family roots (which I eventually did as well, in the wake of his death). I know I'm poorly equipped to understand Baptist matters, so that's why I'm asking... I feel it's important for me to understand, because a lot more people come from a Baptist background than a Quaker/Native American one! XD I'll ping you when I see you online.

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I am a heretic

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