Spiritual Journey, Part VI

[greybeta]

I have control.

I have control.

Those words mean a lot to me.

Look, I'm a type A personality and I want to control everything I'm a part of. Whether I like to admit ir or not, I'm a natural born leader. I gravitate towards leadership positions in every organization that I am a part of because that's how the good Lord made me. No more, no less.

But you know what? Sometimes I wonder what the good Lord was thinking when He made me. He must have known that it would be difficult for me to give up control in any situation. But to give up to a guy I don't even know? That's crazy talk!

Wait, hang with me a sec. Nobody thinks you are crazy if you talk to God. Nope, you're only crazy if God talks back. It seems like "God" has become synonymous with "receptacle for our worries."

Trash cans never throw the trash back, now do they?

Hmmm, but God works in mysterious ways, doesn't He? I mean, He has to work in ways that defy reason. After all, aren't miracles supposed to go against the laws of science?

That I'm not so about it. But in reading C.S. Lewis's Mere Christianity, his response is this: faith and reason fight emotion and desires. The analogy is that of us being anesthized. Now we know logically that the doctor will wait until we are unconscious to begin, but do we still not experience an irrational fear when that mask is covering us? It's because of faith we sit down in the chair so obediently.

So what's the great temptation? To use faith to reason out all the "bad" things from our lives. The more we try to use introspection on ourselves, the further we drift away from the good Lord. We start trying to do much by ourselves that we forget that God put others here on Earth tu help us.

And that's when we lose faith.

But, I dunno, something deep in the recesses of my mind rejects Lewis's argument. I just can't articulate right now.

Perhaps someone else would like to explain my confusion?

Comments

[kteck.livejournal.com]

This is kind of off the point of your poster, but I don't believe that a natural born leader is one who seeks/desires to control everyone around him. That would be a dictator. I think the Biblical definition of a leader is one who seeks to build up his followers and help them to find their gifts. It is impossible to lead without loving. Furthermore, I would hardly think that people would want to follow someone who only wanted to control them.

Question: are you currently having to give up control to someone? What is the situation anyway, and how may I pray for you?

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, I'm going to have to disagree with you about natural born leaders. Just because you are a dictator doesn't make you any less of a leader. And dictators often build up their subordinates to use their gifts, even if they are for nefarious purposes.

Also, I'm sure you've read 1984. If history is any indicator, people often want to follow someone who wanted to control them.

In regards to your questions, I just feel that it is difficult to give up control to God. I want to be able to say my life is my own to lead, but the Bible tells me differently. I mean, a good Christian would say that one must make Christ the Lord of their life. But for me, I can say "Jesus is the Lord of my life" all I want but it won't matter if I don't believe it in my heart. Does that clear up the situation for you?